You’re trying to be positive, embracing life, and living with joy.
Why does it feel like people want to blot out your sunshine?
Constantly they complain and point out all the bad things in life. They don’t want to hear the positives. Hints have even been dropped that they find your positivity annoying.
You’re not alone in experiencing this. It happens all the time.
Being happy is a good thing, and you shouldn’t have to defend yourself for it.
Negative People, Closed Eyes
Most of the time negative people have no awareness of their own negativity. They don’t pay attention to their own words or actions.
It’s not out of malice, but out of habit. Rolling along the road of negativity without realizing they’re on it. Focusing on the negative points of their day instead of the solutions or the bright side.
There are a lot of things that create a negative or toxic person. Things that are usually not their fault.
Try not to hate a negative person. Don’t even hate a toxic person. Instead try to understand them.
It’s so much easier to deal with people when you understand why they are the way they are. But realize that understanding them won’t help you save them. It’s not your job to fix them.
Chances are, you’ll fail to fix them and cause yourself even more distress. You can’t save people from themselves. They have to want to be saved and seek it out.
Some aren’t ready yet and some enjoy being negative. It’s a high.
Negative thoughts spew from their mind like a volcano erupting. It can be addictive.
You don’t get to pick your family or coworkers. But it’s important to realize you don’t HAVE to spend time with anyone. Not your mom or your sister or your cousin Louise. Not your coworkers either.
You can change jobs (although that might be a bit drastic), transfer departments, or simply avoid conversation with your coworker. You can stop spending time with a family member.
Neither of these need to be a big production: “I’m announcing my leave of absence due to my big britches and moral high ground.” Calm down.
You can just get busy being busy. Too busy to spend your time with them.
If you’re wondering why people are negative, I found this helpful:
You Can’t Outshine Someone Else’s Negativity
Negative Nancys like to talk to other Negative Nancys. They like to be in that space where they feel comfortable. The space where people agree with their viewpoint and think they’re right.
Nancy doesn’t want to talk to Sally Sunshine. Sally tries to show her the bright side. She tries to consider why someone might have done what they did. Where might they be coming from or what might they be going through?
I’ve seen people get angry over the bright side.
I’m sure you know what I mean.
Nancy will roll her eyes. She might even lash out at you. “You don’t understand.” “Oh, little miss nicey nice.” They say things like that as an insult, as if being nice was a bad thing.
They accuse you of being too nice, too soft. Because Nancy wants to feel justified in what she’s saying. And you’re presenting her with another reality, which makes her uncomfortable.
The Nancy’s of the world don’t want to understand why someone might do something. They just want to complain about it.
Solutions to a problem aren’t her priority, talking about how it affects her, is. Sometimes Nancy wants to be pitied. “Poor me, look at all the things I’m forced to deal with.”
It’s no wonder Sally Sunshine annoys her. Sally Sunshine is happier. And maybe that makes Nancy a little jealous, but probably not jealous enough to change.
Don’t Be Afraid to Let Your Positivity Shine
When constantly being criticized for your upbeat attitude, it might be tempting to just go with the flow. Don’t make waves. Keep the peace. It’s easier to agree and move on.
Please don’t allow yourself to be bullied into being negative with Nancy. Stick with your sunshine.
Positivity is a beautiful gift. It takes a lot of work to change your mentality. Don’t let all that hard work go down the drain for Nancy’s sake.
Either Nancy will get the message and only talk to you about upbeat topics, or she’ll stop talking to you all together.
Don’t be so worried about upsetting someone else that you give into personality traits you dislike.
Nancy will always find someone to talk to. It doesn’t have to be you. You aren’t the sole person in the world she has left. And if you are, maybe it’s time she took a hard look at that.
We Aren’t Zen Masters
I’ve heard reaching a serious level of zen means no one can shake you.
When you’re so in touch with who you are, and the life you choose to lead, no one can anger you.
No one can down your vibe or mess with your inner peace.
But in all honesty, most of us aren’t Zen Masters. Most of us can be influenced or shaken, and probably more easily than we’d like to admit. Most of us get angry on the daily.
Knowing this, why wouldn’t you want to avoid negativity?
Distancing yourself from all the Negative Nancys in the world is impossible. You’ll have to deal with them sometimes. But there are people that are toxic to your own mental health. People you can’t reason with or change.
It’s okay to cut them out. Sounds harder than it is. And even when it is really hard, like in the case of a family member, the peace you feel afterwards is worth the effort it takes to do it.
Try not to feel guilty. You aren’t abandoning someone, you’re just creating boundaries.
Boundaries that support the person you’re trying to be, living the life you’re trying to live.
We are all allowed to live our own lives the best way we can.
Your Own Needs
Nancy isn’t a horrible human being. You don’t have to hate her. But you need to set boundaries for your own metal health and happiness.
Her happiness isn’t more important than your own.
Don’t waste precious time on people walking a different path.
You can’t force others onto your path, and who says your path is the right path anyway?
Just walk your path and let them walk theirs.
If you’re unsure how to set boundaries, check this out: How to Set Boundaries
Find Your Tribe
Spend more time with people that lift you up.
People that understand where you are and where you’re going.
The ones giving you a “Hell Yeah!” for your hard work.
Lovers of life.
You are who you surround yourself with. Take a minute, and really consider that.
Who do you want to be? If you were with your maker before coming to earth, and He said to you “Well, here we are in the design room. What kind of person do you want to be?” What would you say?
Would you choose to be fun? Would you choose to be a humanitarian? Maybe you’d choose funny. You might select inspirational, kind, happy, loyal.
You’d pick qualities that make you happy, that make you feel good.
You probably wouldn’t choose to complain every day.
You wouldn’t say “Pass me that negative trait over there.” or “I’d really love to be annoyed by positivity.”
If you were presented with that opportunity before you were born, knowing what you know now, who would you choose to be?
Well, I’m presenting you with that choice now.
You get to choose who you want to be in this life. You could wake up tomorrow and be a completely different person if you wanted.
Sounds crazy, but is it? When you think of the countless hours or days or years you’ve spent with people you don’t like or doing things you don’t want to do, or just being unhappy, does it seem so crazy?
You aren’t a victim in your own life. You 100% have control over who you want to be. You can’t choose what happens, but you can choose how to handle it. And you can choose who you hang out with.
Choose to be around people you like. People that have traits you want. You want to be more compassionate? Find someone compassionate to hang around. Before you know it, you’ll start picking up on some of those traits without even trying.
Negativity Will Always Exist
It’s not all bubblegum and rainbows all the time. Not even for Sally Sunshine.
The most inspiring and wonderful people in the world aren’t the ones out there winning every day. They don’t have all the luck on their side.
They’re the ones that get just as many raw deals as the rest of us. But they don’t let it get them down for long.
They say, “Yeah this sucks, but it’ll get better.” They’re the people that get handed a life-threatening diagnosis from their doctors and say “I am not a statistic. I’m going to make it through this.”
When you’re surrounded by people like that, life carries a bit more beauty. You feel a little more like it’s going to work out. Life is a little more possible, a little more precious.
If they can do it, so can you.
Positivity can help you through all those hard times. Negativity just makes the hard times more painful.
Hard times are painful enough for everyone. Insert some joy in there where you can. And distance yourself from anyone that doesn’t agree. You’re allowed.
You Choose Your Mood
Negativity is like a thick forest surrounding you until you can’t see outside of it. After a while, you adjust to your surroundings without realizing it’s become your new normal. You don’t try to peer through the trees, you just say “there’s another tree.”
But you get to choose your normal. You aren’t helpless. You’re a bad ass in control of your own life.
You choose who you let into your space. You choose who you let influence your mood. You choose who you want to be.
Start today by distancing yourself from negative people in your life. Take a few steps away. Find people that lift you up and make you a better human being.
Count your blessings. It’s so important to remember all the wonderful things you have to be thankful for. Life is precious. Life is beautiful. Even when things aren’t working out how you planned. Life is a gift of tomorrows not promised. So, make each day worth living, the best way you can.
Look for the sunshine. And spread it often.
You can’t force others to walk in the sun with you. But you can choose not to walk in the dark with them. You’re in control of your own path. Follow the sunshine.
And if you liked reading this post, please share it with a friend. Someone that might really need to hear this message.
If you are that friend, and you’d like to sign up to receive my blog posts, you can do so at the bottom of this page: https://girlfixyourcrown.com/about/
And while we’re on the subject of my blog, here’s a few other topics you might like: