It’s one thing after another. Your car breaks, your kid has chickenpox, your mom is diagnosed with cancer, your husband has an affair. That old expression “When it rains, it pours” really rings true sometimes.
But you’re supposed to be a grown up. You’re supposed to be strong and mature and know what to do. The problem is, you don’t feel like being any of those things. And at what point do you reach the ‘grown up’ stage where you magically know what to do?
Sometimes you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. And sometimes you just need to lose your shit. And guess what? That’s totally okay. In fact, I highly recommend it.
Life’s a blessing denied to many. But that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. Like really hard. And despite your attempt at being strong, sometimes you get tired. The kind of tired that goes past your bones and into your soul. We’re like overfilled balloons ready to pop.
But before you lose your shit, make sure you’re doing it the right way. There’s a right way to lose your shit? Yep. But first, let’s talk about the wrong way to lose it.
Losing Your Sh*t VS. Sh*tting on Others
In the midst of the crapstorm that has become your life, you might not be thinking clearly. You might be so mad or sad or frustrated that you just can’t make sense of anything. In times like this, it’s tempting to relieve the built up pressure any old way because it makes you feel better.
For example, don’t yell at the poor grocery store clerk. It’s not her fault your husband had an affair. Unless she’s the one he had an affair with, in which case, yell away. But poor Lisa is just trying to show you where the pumpkin puree is.
Don’t use what’s going on in your life as a cape to be Captain Ass Hole. That’s not okay. This is when you go off on everyone (including family and friends) and expect them to understand what a hard time you’ve been having lately. You may be having the worst day, year, decade of your life. But guess what? If you treat people like crap, they won’t want to be around you, or help you, or support you.
Please for the love of popcorn, stop airing your dirty laundry on social media platforms! I completely understand why you want to. You want support. You need help. You need advice. Where it gets ugly is when you sound like a broken record and want everyone to feel sorry for you. This one is hitting a nerve with some of you out there. But I won’t take it back. We’re ALL thinking it. I’m just saying it out loud.
Same goes for exposing to the world what a horrible man your husband or boyfriend or ex is. All the things you’re saying might be 100% true and you might feel obligated to warn all the women of the world. But to those women, you just sound crazy. Half the time they’ll think it’s still your fault that he did whatever he did. After all, you are ranting all over Facebook right now. Who could blame the guy?
And some women are dumb. There I said it. Even if you tell them he’s cheated on every woman he’s ever dated, they’re still going to want to find out for themselves. Or they’ll think they can fix him. You know you’re rolling your eyes right now. And you also know you’ve been there yourself. I’ve been guilty of it too, but that’s a whole other blog post.
Bad stuff happens to all of us. But remember you’re a classy fucking lady.
Lose Your Noodle, Not Your Pride
So how do you lose your noodle in a way that doesn’t look like Captain Ass Hole? I’m so glad you asked.
You can go the old school way and drown your sorrows in a pint of Ben&Jerry’s if that’s your style. Scream at the top of your lungs into a pillow. You’d be amazed how much pressure that takes off.
Or you can sob uncontrollably. Really let it out with an ugly cry where you make those weird farm animal noises. Maybe just close all the windows first so your neighbors don’t think you’re into something weird.
My go to strategy is to vent over drinks to one of my amazing friends. Good friends know when to let you vent. They know when to tell you you’re acting like a drama queen. They know when to help you plot a fictional murder. And most importantly they know when to say it’s going to be okay and give you a big supportive hug.
Working out helps too. Angry run. Angry walk. But something about moving your body really helps you sort it all out. When angry, do something aggressive like running or kickboxing. When you’re sad try a walk, or some yoga. When you’re overwhelmed, do any workout you can fit in.
Another option is to write it all down. It doesn’t need to be fancy. Just madly scribble all your thoughts on paper. Not only does it help you organize them, but it’ll help you see it from an outside perspective. Meditation has that effect too. And prayer. Sometimes our problems are so big only God can shoulder the weight of them.
No Regrets
We all get frustrated. We all have seasons of rain. Remember by losing your noodle on another person, you might be adding lightning to someone else’s rainstorm. You can’t always see the storm clouds gathering.
And you’re going to feel really bad for yelling at Lisa because she couldn’t find the pumpkin puree. Or you’ll look back at those Facebook posts and want to die of embarrassment.
Don’t make life harder for other people. You aren’t the only person out there having a bad day. Show others the kindness you wish to be shown.
The lesson here is you can’t avoid unfortunate situations. Life doesn’t really play favorites. You’re allowed to get mad. You’re allowed to get sad. You’re allowed to be exhausted. And you’re allowed to throw a pity party hissy fit about it too.
But then you get up. You dust yourself off. You tell the audience that has now gathered, that you’re better and not to be alarmed. Then you move on. You might have a tendency to think you’re the center of the universe some days. Like only your problems exist and only your problems matter. But we all get served crap cakes.
It’s therapeutic to lose your shit. But don’t sit in that porta potty and make it your new bedroom. Vent, cry, yell, let it all out. But then remind yourself that you’re a badass. And this is your life. These horrible things happening to you are temporary. They’re part of a rainy season.
And you know what’s great about rain? That’s how things grow. The grass gets greener, the flowers bloom, the trees grow taller. And on a good day, you just might get a rainbow.
