I judged someone a few weeks ago, which leads to today’s blog post.
My judgment of this other human hurt her. That wasn’t my intention. In fact, it never even occurred to me it’d get back to her. It was said in a thoughtless moment without any consideration for anyone else.
Regardless, I did mean what I said. It was my own opinion.
And when she pulled me aside to ask me about it, I repeated what I had said again.
She wasn’t happy about it. She said I had no right to judge others or have an opinion about her.
Here’s the Thing…
Everyone has opinions. We all judge one another. And don’t tell me you don’t.
It’s human design. Everyone you know, has made a judgment about you. Good mom, good boss, bad listener, terrible musician, etc.
We must judge others to determine if they’re good or bad for us, if they fit into our lives. If we want them there.
It isn’t Junior High drama. You aren’t channeling your inner “Mean Girl”. It’s just a natural human occurrence.
You have to judge others for your own safety, mental and emotional. Otherwise, you’ll end up where you don’t want to be surrounded by people you don’t like.
So please, judge away.
But Judge Kindly
Just because we all have to judge, doesn’t mean we have to be unkind. Don’t judge because you think you’re better than someone else.
We all have our battle scars. I don’t know a single person that hasn’t had some kind of terrible trauma. Some reason why they are the way they are.
So be kind. Remember we’re all doing the best we can. And not one of us is perfect.
Now, even the kindest judgment can be taken badly. You can’t control how someone feels about your judgment.
And having a judgment, doesn’t mean you always have to say it out loud.
But if you do say it out loud, remember we’re all humans that feel.
Wounds as Crutches
Now, even though we all have wounds, doesn’t mean we should use them as a crutch.
Some people have been through terrible things. Awful things. Things you would shudder to imagine.
But that doesn’t mean you get to ditch your own personal responsibility to yourself. What I mean is, work on it.
If you know you have an issue, work on it. Otherwise, it’s like you’re telling the people around you “Well I was hurt. So now I’m gunna just bleed on you and you’ll have to just clean it up for me.” And that’s not ok.
It’s not okay for other people to have to take responsibility for you because you were once hurt.
We’ve all been hurt.
Time to put on your grown-up britches and move forward.
If Someone’s Opinion Bothers You…
If you find yourself bothered by an opinion someone has about you, ask yourself why.
Most of the time if something bothers you, it’s because there’s some truth to it, or you’re afraid there could be.
Hear me out.
If I said, “Your purple hair looks stupid.”
But you don’t have purple hair, that wouldn’t bother you, would it?
You’d roll your eyes and think I’m an idiot. Because you know without a doubt you don’t have purple hair. So, I’m the crazy one for even thinking it.
But if I said, “Wow, those pants make your legs look huge!” And you were already worried about that, it’d be a different story.
I will have brought up something you were worried is true or, is in fact true.
So, either I hit a trigger on an insecurity you have, or I said something true.
That’s why it bothers you.
You can work on your insecurities and stop giving a crap what anyone else thinks, or you can work on the thing that’s true that you don’t want to be true.
That’s up to you.
Either way, those opinions can be a gift.
A gift that shows you where you can still grow. You can be more, do more.
You can blame the person and get mad at them for having an opinion, but as I said earlier, everyone has opinions. And if one person thinks it, they’re unlikely to be the only one.
What are you going to do? Tell everyone to stop thinking? Impossible.
You can only change yourself. No one else.
Everyone has an opinion. Everyone talks.
The question is, why does it bother you?
What is that trigger indicating to you?
Find the answer, and take back your own personal power. It’s in your hands.
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And while we’re on the subject of my blog, here’s a few other topics you might like: