We vacation with others, eat with others, have gym buddies and support groups. Whenever we want to try something new, we do it with others. It’s our comfort zone, our safety net.
Having other people is a blessing. It’s amazing to have a community or a partner to try new things with or explore with. Until the moment comes when your people don’t want to do something you want to do. Then it becomes a barrier instead of a blessing, because you don’t want to go alone.
You get so comfortable doing things with others, you forget you can do it by yourself. You become afraid to. Something really great might come along, a chance, an opportunity. But you let it pass you by, afraid to go after it on your own.
That’s no way to live. It’s not living like you’re meant to live. You have to be brave enough to do things alone. You’ll never know the full magic of your life until you do.
IN 2019, as a woman alone, I went on my first ever solo trip. I’d never gone anywhere alone. I was timid and liked leaning on the support of my bolder friends or my sister.
But there was a writing conference I really wanted to go to. I didn’t have any writer friends. And more than that, I’d realized sometimes taking others along on things, gave my bolder friends the spotlight. It was never about me. It was always about them.
I wanted writing to be my thing. I wanted to see who I was when I was standing alone. So, I booked the trip. And off I went.
I’d never flown alone. I was always a little afraid I’d get lost in the airport or miss my flight. But I got there early, took my time, and read a book while I waited. I didn’t have to entertain anyone else. I didn’t have to argue about how early to get there. I could just sit and be, on my own schedule. It was peaceful.
I felt nervous, going to a conference alone. But I also found myself feeling free, and excited. I felt proud of myself for doing something like this. For going on an adventure. A journey with just myself, the lone hero of my own story.
Up until that point, someone else was always my hero. Someone else was always guiding me, showing me the way, speaking up for me, and finding people to connect with. I was never the initiator. I was the follower. But not on this trip.
I went to the conference and met people that were drawn to me. Not to my bold friends, but me. I made new friends. I got to eat where I wanted, when I wanted. I attended the sessions I wanted to attend. I came and went as I pleased.
I talked to others there about writing. About this piece of my soul that was a writer. Something they had in their souls too. These people were getting to know the human within me that I didn’t even know was in there. I was meeting myself right along with others meeting me.
It was beautiful. It felt more authentic than any other way I’d met people before. I was introducing my real self. There was no one to pretend for, no one to conform to.
I made friends on that trip that I know I wouldn’t have had I taken someone with me. It was one of the most freeing experiences of my life. Permission to be fully myself. And permission to explore who that self was. To meet a version of myself I’d never spent any time with.
Not only did this trip introduce me to a world of other writers, but it also opened up a world where I could do things alone.
If something was important or sounded fun, I could do it, even if that meant alone. This changed my whole life.
Suddenly I found possibilities for my life that weren’t there before. I quit my job to become a writer. I wrote a book. I got a divorce (not that I recommend that part).
But interesting things start happening when you start hearing your own wants and needs from within you. You hear yourself instead of everyone else. You discover what you want instead of what everyone else wants for you.
More recently, I decided I wanted to make real lifestyle changes for my health. I’d teeter-tottered back and forth with healthy habits my whole life. But no one else could keep going, and I’d eventually fall off too, wanting to do what my people were doing.
Sometimes that was going out to eat a lot, drinking, or staying in bed to sleep in instead of working out. It’s easy to fall in line with what others are doing. But that’s not where the magic is.
So, instead of getting mad that I had no support in these dreams, I just decided it was okay if I did them alone. It’s okay if I’m the only one that wants to change my life this way. I’m the only one that I can control anyway. It’s my life and my choice. This tiny little tweak on the way I viewed things, enabled me to make lasting changes.
I started getting out of bed early, even though my boyfriend didn’t want me to. Even thought it would be easier to stay in bed and snuggle. Instead, I’d get up and do a workout. Then I’d meditate. Then I started doing a writing challenge. Every single day. Things would come up, but I refused to let it derail me. I did my writing no matter what.
Then I started focusing on my food. Instead of being upset when the kids complained about the healthy dinner I cooked, I’d just shrug my shoulders and say, “eat it or don’t”. (I have older kids, so they won’t starve).
When friends would invite me out to eat, I’d say no. Or I’d go with them and make the healthy choice on the menu. This week I ate something healthy before I went to dinner, and just had hot tea while they ate. That would have been impossible before. I’d always cave and eat what everyone else was. But not anymore.
I know who I want to be now. And I’m comfortable being her, even if I have to stand alone to do it.
Life will never be what you want it to be if you’re waiting for someone else to want what you want. They won’t.
I stopped waiting for others to want what I want. And that is the key to everything. It’s okay to want it alone. To do it alone. That’s the journey you’re being called to, not anyone else.
This is your life. As far as we know, we only get one shot at it. So stop waiting and do what you dream of doing. Listen to your own inner knowing and do it alone. You’ll find support and friends along the way. It’s not lonely.
Taking that first step is scary, but it’ll change your life for the better every time.
Thanks for reading. For more from me, follow me on Facebook or Instagram or TikTok (all under the username girlfixyourcrown). Subscribe to this blog. I will eventually get my emails going again. And be on the look out for my Podcast a friend and I have created on Spotify called Growing Up for Adults.
Have a magical day!!